When Life Hands You Leaves
by LapisDIDNOTHINGwrong101
Summary: (CHAPTER 3 IS UP!) Upon discovering there's no toilet paper, Toph gathers some leaves for her friends to use. But what leaves did she pick? Read and find out! Rated M for Language and future chapters.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Hey Guys, here's one of those short-fics I'll be dropping as I work on my sequel to _Lapen: A Lapis and Steven Adventure. _Thought of this story idea while out on a walk. The following starts off innocent but will get more dark later on. M to be safe. Despite the humor of this story, **Do NOT try this at home.** Also I don't own Last Airbender. Anyway, enjoy the show!

When Life Hands You Leaves

Chapter 1: A Simple Mistake

* * *

*Somewhere in the Woods*

Having finished breakfast, Team Aang set off on their journey. With birds singing, rabbits hopping all over the place and the sun shining without any clouds, it was a text book day for a walk.

* * *

After traveling for a couple hours, Aang and his friends needed to make a pit stop. Fortunately, they stumbled upon some restrooms near a path for travelers and hikers. While they had chipped paint, a few cobwebs and some faded Men's/Women's signs, the restrooms appeared to be in stable condition and the aged wood indicated that the structures have helped travelers answer the call of nature for decades if not a century. Despite this, the unkempt appearance was still creepy.

*Restrooms for Hikers*

"Hey guys we should use this time to make a pit stop." Said Aang.

"Okay." Said Sokka.

"I agree." Added Katara.

"You guys go ahead; I already went earlier." Said Toph.

"Okay Toph, you stand guard." Said Aang.

"Will do!" Said Toph as she does a little salute.

* * *

The entrance split into two bathrooms; male and female since gender neutral bathrooms hadn't been invented yet. Aang and Sokka used the stalls in the left room while Katara used the stalls in the right room. As our heroes answer the call they make a startling discovery: none of the stalls they occupied had any toilet paper.

"Uh oh, hey guys, do you have any toilet paper?" Asked Katara from her side of the pit stop.

"Unfortunately I don't." Said Aang.

"Neither do I." Said Sokka.

Remaining calm, Aang called out to Toph and asked her if there was any toilet paper in the other stalls, to which there weren't.

"Dammit what are we going to do?!" Said Katara.

"Well why don't we just use our undershirts?" Sokka suggested.

(Brief silence)

"Sokka…. we don't wear undershirts….. remember?!" Said Katara.

"Oh shit you're right!" Said Sokka.

What started out as a pit stop turned into a grave situation for Team Avatar, but Toph had an idea.

"Hey guys what if I just gather some leaves for you guys to use as toilet paper?" Toph suggested.

"Come to think of it, that should actually work, THANKS TOPH!" Said Aang.

* * *

And just like that, Toph ran outside, gathered 3 huge fresh leaf piles and placed a pile under each bathroom stall door her friends were using. Due to the lighting, Aang and his friends couldn't really make out what kind of leaves Toph had gathered but considering the situation they were in, Team Aang needed all the help they could get. It felt a little weird to be using leaves at first, but it worked. Now the gang had to really _"get in there"_ to fully wipe themselves but in the end, everything worked out. After wiping for what seemed like a solid 5 minutes, our heroes were finally done. Having finished their individual businesses (while using the last of the leaves), Aang, Katara and Sokka flushed, pulled their pants back up and concluded by washing their hands with soap.

* * *

*Outside Restrooms*

"Toph you saved the day!" Said Aang, Katara and Sokka as they congratulated Toph.

"Aw shucks it was nothing!" Said a blushing Toph.

With Toph's help, Team Aang averted what could have been an embarrassing situation. Now there was only one question left: The Leaves.

"Say Toph, due to the poor lighting in the bathroom, Sokka, Katara and I never really got a good look at the leaves you gave us so we were wondering: what leaves did you use?" Aang asked with a smile.

"Why these of course!" Toph answered, also with a smile, as she showed Aang an extra cluster she got.

Upon seeing the leaves, The Avatar's once smiling face turned into a pale, white, terrified expression, filled to the brim with shock, terror and regret. Beads of sweat started to cascade down his skull in numerous directions as his eyes bulged at the leaves in front of him. Every swear, curse word and insult raced through the Air Nomad's mind at lightning speeds, in multiple tongues no less. But at the center of his thoughts, was this one:

"_Out of all the different types of leaves in this big, big, big forest, and Toph had to get that one leaf, __**that one, damn, FUCKING, leaf….." **_Aang swore in his mind.

Noticing Aang's changed demeanor after looking at the leaves Toph gave them, a concerned Katara then asked:

"Aang…. what leaves are those?"

To which a sad, horrified Aang turned around, and answered:

**"**_**Poison Ivy."**_

* * *

A/N: Uh oh…. what wll Aang and his firends do? Find out next time!

Feel free to leave a review!

Also, here's a link on how to avoid poison ivy and what to do if you come across it:

health/outdoor-health/poison-ivy-remedies


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Hey **Guys** here's the next part!

Chapter 2: Mexican Stand-Off

Needless to say, Team Aang was screwed.

Aang, Katara and Sokka found themselves on the ground, crying while holding onto their asses. Having really "gotten up there" Aang's, Katara's and even Sokka's rectums were burning from the inside out.

**"AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH MY RECTUM!" **Aang screamed at the top of his lungs.

"**TOPH YOU STUPID, FUCKING MORON! FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!"** Cried Katara.

**"I WANT MY YUE BACK!"** Sobbed Sokka.

Before she could explain herself, Toph's hands started to burn, causing her to run into the restroom and wash said hands with soap.

**"IT'S LIKE THERE'S A RAGING FIRE IN MY ASS, AANG I'M SCARED!"** Said Katara.

**"SO AM I! OH…. OH FUCK IT BURNS!"** Replied Aang.

**"WHY DID YUE HAVE TO BECOME A SPIRIT?! YUE PLEASE COME BACK AND HELP ME!"** Said Sokka.

As team Aang rolled around and wailed in complete agony, our heroes failed to realize that they had been followed. Emerging from the brush was Prince Zuko and his Uncle Iroh.

In typical Zuko fashion, the disgraced Fire Nation Prince threw his shirt aside revealing his bare, muscular chest and was all "Now Avatar, I will finally….."

"Really Zuzu?" Said an unimpressed voice.

**"WHO SAID THAT?!"** Asked Zuko.

"Oh please." Said the voice again.

**"SHOW YOURSELF!"** Zuko demanded.

On the other side of Team Aang was Azula, Mai and Ty Lee.

"Don't tell me you feel the need to toss your shirt aside every time you challenge someone Zuzu!" Azula said with a giggle.

**"IT'S TO BE INTIMIDATING!"** Said Zuko trying to sound tough.

"More like overcompensating for your chode!" Azula taunted.

**"HEY THAT'S NOT TRUE!"** Said Zuko.

"Zuzu we used to take baths together, even then you were small!" Said Azula.

"YEAH….WELL…THAT WAS WHEN I WAS A KID, **NOW I'M AN ADULT!**" Said Zuko.

"Actually Zuzu, Azula has a point." Said Mai.

**"MAI?!" **Said Zuko.

"Zuko I love you but if we're going to be a couple, you really need to use some Viagra." Said Mai.

Enraged, Zuko was all **"AT LEAST MOM LOVES ME AND NOT YOU AZULA!"** Zuko fired back.

"What does that have to do with anything?" Asked Azula.

**"BETTER TO BE FLACID THAN TO BE REJECTED BY OUR MOTHER…. YOU FUCKING REJECT!" **Said Zuko, clearly hitting a nerve in Azula.

Lighting her hands in blue fire, Azula was all, "Listen good you little shit-stain, surrender The Avatar and…"

"Oh for fuck's sake!" Said another voice.

Just then June arrived riding on her trusted shirshu Nyla.

To everyone's surprise, June had been hiding in a bush south of where Azula and Zuko were the whole time and heard everything.

June was all, "As fun as it is to hear you both bitch and moan, I have a bounty to catch and a reward to pick up so if you two could run along and let the adult handle this then….."

"Uhhh…..guys…" said Aang.

"Stay out of this paycheck, **NOW FIGHT!**" Snapped June as her whip cracked the ground.

"But…." Aang tried to say.

"Resist and you'll all perish, **NOW RESIST SO YOU'LL PERISH!**" Said Azula as she, Mai and Ty Lee got into their fight stances.

"Listen…" Aang was getting desperate.

"I'm gonna make Mommy proud, **FIGHT ME SO I CAN MAKE MOMMY PROUD!**" Declared Zuko.

After numerous taunts from the Mexican Standoff, Aang had enough.

**"GODDAMMIT YOU GUYS I'M TRYING TO SAY THAT WE RAN OUT OF TOILET PAPER SO TOPH GOT US SOME LEAVES BUT THEY WERE ACTUALLY POISON IVY SO AS A RESULT WE CAN'T FIGHT!"** Said Aang as he pointed to the pile of leaves Toph picked.

Upon looking at the leaves, the three groups noticed something familiar about it, and that their anal cavities started to burn.

"Uncle…?" Asked Zuko.

"Ty Lee….?" Asked Azula.

June pulled out a nature book and frantically looked up poison Ivy.

Little did Team Avatar know, but their enemies also made the mistake of wiping with poison Ivy.

Zuko turned to Iroh and was all "Uncle you said…."

Azula turned to Ty Lee and added "…that wasn't…..."

June found the page in her book and with a horrified look and finished with …. **"POISON IVY."**

The standoff ended when the 3 new parties rolled onto the ground and joined our heroes in crying heavily.

A/N: Well you know what they say, _"Misery Loves Company." _I'll have chapter 3 up this Thursday!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Hey Guys, welcome to chapter 3!

Chapter 3: Now what?

At this point, everyone is on the ground, writhing in extreme pain, agony and sadness. Everyone had experienced physical discomfort during their lives, but this type of pain was legendary: while there are worse pains in the world, it didn't solve this current problem.

"**UNCLE WHY?!"** Cried Zuko.

"Out of all my years as General, plants have been my worst subject!**"** Said Iroh.

"**SO YOU'RE TERRIBLE WITH PLANTS, YET GREAT WITH TEA?!"** Cried Zuko.

"**DON'T TALK SHIT ABOUT TEA!"** Yelled Iroh.

As Zuko and Iroh argued, Azula glared at Ty Lee.

"**TY LEE…..YOU HAD ONE JOB….ONE JOB!"** Said Azula in pain.

"Zula…" Said Ty lee.

"**DON'T YOU FUCKING **_**'ZULA**_** ME!"** Roared Azula.

"Look…..maybe we should….?" Ty Lee tried to defend herself.

Just then Azula paused, felt her pain get even worse, sobbed, and screamed to the sky.

"**MOMMY! MY IDIOT FRIEND GAVE ME POISON IVY LEAVES TO WIPE MY ASS WITH! PLEASE HELP ME! WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME MOMMY?! WHHHHHHHHY?!"** Azula cried excessively, as if she had been condemned to eternal torment.

Mai was also in pain and struggled to stay in character.

"**MY ASSHOLE'S ON FIRE!"** Cried Mai.

June attempted to stand up, but found herself collapsing due to the pain and landing on her ass, increasing her pain tenfold.

"**I…FUCKING…...HATE…LEAVES!"** Was all June could say.

Upon leaving the bathroom, Toph wanted to fix the situation she caused, but had to use her Earth powers to keep everyone from murdering her.

"Look, I know that I fucked up big time, but by washing my hands, I removed the residue so they don't hurt. By applying soap to your rear ends, we can stop the pain!" Said Toph, causing everyone to rejoice.

"Toph…thanks!" Said Aang.

"No worries! All we need now is some soap!" Said Toph as she ran inside the bathroom.

*10 minutes later*

Toph emerges from the restroom with a nervous look on her face.

"Uh guys?" Said Toph.

"Yes Toph?" Asked Aang.

"Remember when I said I would fetch some soap?" She asked.

"Yeah?" Asked everyone.

"Well it turns out I used the last of the soap, we're fresh out." Toph confessed.

The blind Earthbender then made a small rock hut to protect herself from everyone's vengeful wrath as they all tried to kill Toph.

"**GUYS!"** Said Aang stopping the assault.

"**WHAT IS IT?!"** They all yelled in unison.

"Look (ow) we need to stop (ow) fighting and work (ow) together!" Said Aang, while putting up with the pain.

"Yeah." Said Katara.

"Sounds reasonable." Added Sokka.

Everyone else murmured in agreement.

"Say Katara, since you're a water bender, can you heal us?" Said Zuko trying to sound positive.

"I would except I have no experience treating Poison Ivy since Sokka and I grew up in the frozen tundra." Explained Katara.

"Oh…." was all Zuko could say.

"Wait…..what about you Aang? Having been reincarnated 181 times, you or at least one of the previous Avatars must have some knowledge on curing Poison Ivy?" Asked Iroh, his optimism causing everyone's pain to subside for a moment. Aang's friends and enemies all turned to him and smiled, albeit desperate ones, but still smiles nonetheless.

"Well uh (awkward chuckle) when it comes to poison ivy, all of my previous incarnations just avoided direct contact with it. While I was learning about Poison Ivy at the Air Temple, **I fled a day before our class would learn how to properly treat it."** Aang said with another awkward chuckle as he rested a palm on the back of his head.

Azula, Zuko, June and even Katara were trying to strangle Aang whilst everyone else fought to break up the fight.

A/N: AANG YOU IDIOT!

Anyway guys, what would you like to see me add this story? Let me know in the reviews!


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